{"id":991,"date":"2017-05-29T15:30:41","date_gmt":"2017-05-29T12:30:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/?p=991"},"modified":"2017-07-27T13:26:03","modified_gmt":"2017-07-27T10:26:03","slug":"kafa-karistirici-kadin-kismi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/?p=991","title":{"rendered":"Ben Yapmad\u0131m ki&#8230; Onlar yapt\u0131&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-993\" src=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280.jpg\" alt=\"heart-hand-shape-22280\" width=\"1680\" height=\"1050\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280.jpg 1680w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280-300x187.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280-1024x640.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-hand-shape-22280-800x500.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ac\u0131ma duygusu&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>En derinde, en \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken belki de&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>\u0130yi bir duygu diye kan\u0131m\u0131za kaz\u0131maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 y\u0131llarca&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>T\u00fcm duygular\u0131n aras\u0131nda en kendini be\u011fenmi\u015fi, en sayg\u0131s\u0131z\u0131, en \u00f6\u011fretiyi baltalay\u0131c\u0131s\u0131, en ki\u015finin \u00f6z\u00fcne ve ruhun deneyimine yukardan bakan\u0131 belki de&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Yard\u0131m istemeyene yard\u0131m etmemeyi \u00f6\u011frenmek koca bir zaman gerektiriyor bazen&#8230; Yard\u0131m isteyene de etmemeyi \u00f6\u011frenmekse onun biraz daha \u00fczerinde hayat deneyiminde, kalbin t\u0131n\u0131s\u0131nda, ger\u00e7e\u011fin a\u015fkla atan ritminin dans\u0131nda&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Hepimiz yaparak \u00f6\u011freniyoruz: duyarak de\u011fil, yazarak de\u011fil, g\u00f6rerek de\u011fil &#8230;. Deneyerek, deneyimleyerek, \u00f6\u011frenmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken- bizden \u00f6nce ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f insanlara k\u0131yasla- acemilikler yaparak, vaz ge\u00e7meyerek, istedi\u011fimizin arkas\u0131ndan giderken hatalar\u0131n \u00f6\u011frenme s\u00fcrecinin bir par\u00e7as\u0131 oldu\u011funu, hata olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilerek, buna inanarak, o inan\u0131\u015f\u0131, o \u00f6\u011fretiyi, o hissi, davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zla b\u00fct\u00fcnleyip hayata ak\u0131tmay\u0131 hedefleyerek &#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130nsan\u0131n en \u00e7ok ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131ktan korktu\u011fu s\u00f6ylenir&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>\u0130nsan\u0131n en \u00e7ok ba\u015far\u0131dan korktu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemekse cesaret ister bazen&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I\u015f\u0131ldamaktan, mutlu olmaktan, imzas\u0131n\u0131 hayat\u0131na nefesiyle ve farkl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla atmaktan, b\u00fct\u00fcn olmaktan, insanlara b\u00fct\u00fcn ve ak\u0131\u015fta olunabilece\u011fini g\u00f6stermekten, farkl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131yla fark yaratmaktan&#8230; Ve yaln\u0131z olmaktan, sevilmemekten, anla\u015f\u0131lamamaktan&#8230; Oyundan kopmaktan, oyun arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 yolda kaybetmekten belki&#8230; En insani duygular\u0131n hapsinde&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Ve oyunu b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcr bazen yolda&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Kendisi olmaya giden yolda kendisine bah\u015fedilmi\u015f zenginliklerini da\u011f\u0131tmaya ba\u015flar &#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Ama ondaki potansiyeli g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Ama ondaki \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Ama istedi\u011fini en derinlerde hissediyorum&#8230;.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8221;Ama bu kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam\u0131z\u0131n bir sebebi olmal\u0131&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Ama &#8230; Ama&#8230; Ama &#8230; diye ba\u015flayan c\u00fcmlelerle doldurmaya ba\u015flar i\u00e7ini&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ba\u011f\u0131rsak parazitlerini duydunuz mu hi\u00e7? O zararl\u0131 olanlar\u0131n\u0131?<\/p>\n<p>Ki\u015finin kendisini beslemek i\u00e7in ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u00fcm besinlerin faydal\u0131 k\u0131s\u0131mlar\u0131yla kendilerini \u00e7o\u011falt\u0131rken ki\u015fiyi a\u00e7 b\u0131rakan, sa\u011fl\u0131ks\u0131zla\u015ft\u0131ran, beslenmesini engelleyen, bir d\u00fcnya yan hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n olu\u015fmas\u0131na sebebiyet veren d\u00fczg\u00fcn beslenemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in sistem, minicik halleriyle koca koca insanlar\u0131 deviren?<\/p>\n<p>Ac\u0131ma duygusu o parazitlerin sisteme girmesi i\u00e7in a\u00e7\u0131lan arka kap\u0131 sanki&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Potansiyeli olmayan var m\u0131 aram\u0131zda, d\u00fcnyaya \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131yla gelmeyen?<\/p>\n<p>Hediyesini , kendi imzas\u0131n\u0131 kendi nefesiyle d\u00fcnyaya att\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n\u0131z d\u00f6nd\u00fcremeyecek birisi var m\u0131 aram\u0131zda?<\/p>\n<p>\u00d6zel olmayan, g\u00fczel olmayan, \u00f6z\u00fc a\u015fkla parlamayan, nefesi ilahi olan\u0131n nefesinden ayr\u0131 biri olabilir mi ger\u00e7ekten aram\u0131zda?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Ama sertle\u015fmi\u015f kimliklerden s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131p, \u00f6z\u00fcn sal\u0131nmas\u0131na izin vermek nas\u0131l ki\u015fisel bir \u00e7aba biliyoruz art\u0131k hepimiz az \u00e7ok g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fcn ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Kalbi a\u015fka teslim etmek, teki b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn par\u00e7as\u0131nda sayg\u0131yla sevmek, incinebilir olmaya izin verirli\u011fimizde hafif\u00e7e dolanmaya izin vermek, her par\u00e7aya sayg\u0131da \u00f6nce ki\u015finin kendine sahip \u00e7\u0131karl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmek&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>Ac\u0131ma duygusuyla arka kap\u0131da k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir bo\u015fluk buldu\u011funda hayat\u0131n\u0131za giren insanlar\u0131 bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn: ben onun \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131na sahip \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flayabilirim egosuyla kendi \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zdan \u00f6d\u00fcn vermeyi ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z g\u00fcnleri &#8230; Ki\u015finin ulvi bir \u015fey yapma yalan\u0131 arkas\u0131na saklan\u0131p, en ulvi \u015feyi, kendi ruhunun ayd\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrmek i\u00e7in \u00e7abalama hallerini&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Kelimelerim kar\u0131\u015f\u0131yor bazen, basitlikten uzakla\u015f\u0131yor&#8230;. Karma\u015f\u0131k c\u00fcmlelere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor zihnimden akan hallerinin \u2013 hissinin \u2013 kelime anlam\u0131na d\u00f6k\u00fclmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmas\u0131nda&#8230; Basitle\u015felim:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Kendi zenginli\u011finizde: duygusal- fiziksel- ruhsal , hi\u00e7 utand\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, ba\u015fka insanlara ay\u0131p oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz m\u00fc hi\u00e7?<\/li>\n<li>Onlarla payla\u015fsam ne olur ki, zaten bende \u00e7ok var, \u00e7ok sab\u0131r, \u00e7ok hareket kabiliyeti, \u00e7ok arkada\u015f, \u00e7ok para, \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma g\u00fcc\u00fc, \u00e7ok heyecan, \u00e7ok mutluluk, \u00e7ok iyi bir aile, \u00e7ok huzur, \u00e7ok \u00e7ok \u00e7ok dedi\u011finiz oldu mu?<\/li>\n<li>Bu \u00e7ok olanlar\u0131 dengesizce ili\u015fkilerinizde, kad\u0131n erkek, dost, a\u015f\u0131k, arkada\u015f fark etmeden da\u011f\u0131tmay\u0131, ili\u015fkilerinizin dengesini bu dengesizlikle bozmay\u0131 se\u00e7tiniz mi hi\u00e7?<\/li>\n<li>\u00d6nce kendim dedi\u011finiz anlarda, ben bununla ba\u015fa \u00e7\u0131kabilirim, ama o \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr, k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131r, yaln\u0131zla\u015f\u0131r , vs deyip, hi\u00e7 heyecanlar\u0131n\u0131zdan ya da e\u011flencenizden vaz ge\u00e7tiniz mi?<\/li>\n<li>O bununla ba\u015fa \u00e7\u0131kamaz deyip, kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki insan\u0131 asl\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmseyip, kendinizi kendinizden uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rken , sonunda hi\u00e7 kendinizi hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, daha k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kutuya hapis ettiniz mi?<\/li>\n<li>O \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 parlats\u0131n diye, \u00e7abas\u0131 yokken, isyandayken, k\u0131zg\u0131nken, bezginken, b\u0131kk\u0131nken, kalk\u0131p kalk\u0131p d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp s\u00f6ylenirken, kendi kendini g\u00fc\u00e7lendirmek i\u00e7in kendi kendine d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp isterse kalkmas\u0131na izin vermek yerine her seferinde koluna girip , onu ta\u015f\u0131y\u0131p, gitmek istedi\u011fi yere g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcn\u00fcz m\u00fc? Bu arada kendi yolunuzdan uzakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z, ya da yolunuzda yoruldu\u011funuz oldu mu?<\/li>\n<li>Yava\u015f yava\u015f ve fark etmeden kendi \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 kendi kendinize, dimmerin ufak ayarlar\u0131yla, soldurdu\u011funuz oldu mu?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Cevap- cevaplar evetse oturup d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme vakti belki de:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Neden parlamaktan bu kadar korkuyorum?<\/li>\n<li>Hayata getirece\u011fim her ne ise nefesimde, neden var olu\u015fa sayg\u0131da onu d\u00fcnyada iki aya\u011f\u0131mla y\u00fcr\u00fctmeyi se\u00e7mek yerine, t\u00fcm kaynaklar\u0131m\u0131 varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n akmas\u0131 i\u00e7in onurland\u0131rmak i\u00e7in kullanmak yerine dipsiz kuyulara ak\u0131tmay\u0131 se\u00e7iyorum?<\/li>\n<li>Tanr\u0131n\u0131n adaletine ger\u00e7ekten inan\u0131yor muyum?<\/li>\n<li>Her detay\u0131 bu kadar m\u00fckemmel d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f bu muhte\u015fem a\u011fda, bazen zihnimin uzanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlarda, anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 ben de yok etmeye mi \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum?<\/li>\n<li>Anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131 her \u015feyi yok etmeye programl\u0131 insan ruhunu ele\u015ftirirken, anlamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kendi hayat a\u011f\u0131mda, kendimi mi yok etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum?<\/li>\n<li>Kendimi seviyor muyum?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-992\" src=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386.jpg\" alt=\"heart-shaped-earth-1386\" width=\"1680\" height=\"1050\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386.jpg 1680w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386-300x187.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386-1024x640.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/heart-shaped-earth-1386-800x500.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1680px) 100vw, 1680px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Ger\u00e7ekten?<\/p>\n<p>Seviyor muyuz kendimizi?<\/p>\n<p>Yoksa gizli intiharlarla , arka kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k tutup, ben yapmad\u0131m ki, onlar yapt\u0131 deyip, minik minik bir d\u00fcnya paraziti su\u00e7lay\u0131p g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc ama \u00e7akt\u0131rmadan sisteme soktu\u011fumuz, bizi yiyip bitirsinler de bitsin bu i\u015f, kimse de bizden bilmez bu \u015fahsi cinayeti demeyi mi se\u00e7iyoruz k\u0131sac\u0131k ama kocaman hayatlar\u0131m\u0131zda&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>Kafa kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 kad\u0131n k\u0131sm\u0131 \u00f6rne\u011fisin demi\u015fti bir g\u00fcn bir dost bir konu\u015fmam\u0131zda&#8230;-)<\/p>\n<p>Do\u011fru bildiklerimizi zaman zaman sallamak, o can\u0131m kafalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 arada bir kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmak, oradan yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 arada ba\u015ftan yaratmak i\u00e7in laz\u0131m belki de&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Bir tohumu elime al\u0131p tekrar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnece\u011fim bug\u00fcn koca bir a\u011fac\u0131n alt\u0131na oturup&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>O tohumun alt\u0131nda keyifle oturmamdan ne kadar ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131z a\u011fa\u00e7 olu\u015funu tekrar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnece\u011fim&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Verdi\u011fi meyvenin beni d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmesiyle hi\u00e7 alakal\u0131 olmadan, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131, beni beslemeyi umursamadan, en bencil haliyle topra\u011fa ge\u00e7irdi\u011fi k\u00f6kleriyle, g\u00fcne\u015fe d\u00f6nen y\u00fcz\u00fcyle yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 meyvesinin lezzetindeyken ruhum tekrar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnece\u011fim hayatta dimdik duru\u015fu&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Bahar neden gelmiyor demeyi i\u00e7imde, bunu sorgulamay\u0131 kesece\u011fim bug\u00fcn, bahar olup umursamamay\u0131 geleni ve gideni se\u00e7ece\u011fim bir kez daha.-)))<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sevgimle&#8230;&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>Sar\u0131ld\u0131m&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Banu<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ac\u0131ma duygusu&#8230; En derinde, en \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131 gereken belki de&#8230; \u0130yi bir duygu diye kan\u0131m\u0131za kaz\u0131maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 y\u0131llarca&#8230; T\u00fcm duygular\u0131n aras\u0131nda en kendini be\u011fenmi\u015fi, en sayg\u0131s\u0131z\u0131, en \u00f6\u011fretiyi baltalay\u0131c\u0131s\u0131, en [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-genel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=991"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":996,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/991\/revisions\/996"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.banukalayci.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}